John Kerry says he hasn’t: “I haven’t spent one dime in my campaign on a negative ad.” - quoted by Bob Dole in an MSNBC interview.

I heard a clip of Kerry making a similar statement during a recent campaign rally, one that doesn’t appear to be online. I believe it was August 20; the campaign website does not offer a transcript from that day. While it’s possible that I misheard him, he has made this claim before: “I haven’t run one negative advertisement. I didn’t run one ad against my opponents in the primaries in Iowa or New Hampshire and I have not spent negative money attacking George Bush.”

As I’ve noted before, that doesn’t seem to be true.

MSNBC on May 31: “Kerry has run 13,336 negative ads — or 27 percent of his total. The figures were compiled by The Washington Post using data from the Campaign Media Analysis Group of the top 100 U.S. markets. Both campaigns said the figures are accurate.”

USA Today on July 1: “Five of Kerry’s 14 major ads have been negative.”

I’m always amused by the search terms that lead people to this website. Recent examples: “how to create a giant statue” and “toothbrush shank.”

Follow those same search terms and you can learn something. For instance, it appears there will be no toothbrush shanking in the future. We may never again associate routine dental hygiene with untimely death.

Would you like a toothbrush, sir? No shanks!

Googling may very well become the national pastime. Until then, go Cubs.

“a strong, decisive leader“

“psychologically… well-suited to be president”

“an indecisive candidate [with] an inconsistent position on the War on Terror, who voted against funding for our troops and who cannot give a clear answer on his position concerning the decision to remove Saddam Hussein”

“an Experienced Leader in the Intelligence Field”

“just another goofy Ensign“

“a good guy, a good friend”

***

and his campaign has “no clue, no strategy and no control over the message that the campaign should be getting out.”

UPDATE: I forgot to include one of my favorites: John Kerry is “the right man for every tough task…”

Looks like I was born under a bad sign: “A paper in the journal Sleep reported on narcolepsy, an overwhelming desire to sleep during all times of the day. The distribution of births was strikingly uneven, with the number of narcoleptics born in March (11.9 percent) significantly exceeding the number expected in the general population (8.5 percent).”

Special bonus: schizophrenia, epilepsy and bipolar disorder!

but his audience certainly leans that way:

The anti-Bush sentiment of the ruling elites in the Middle East is reflected in efforts to screen “Fahrenheit 9/11,” Michael Moore’s celluloid attack on the U.S. president. Last week, the mullahs running the Farabi Cinema complex in Tehran scrapped the season’s program to screen Moore’s “documentary.”

“This film unmasks the Great Satan America,” a spokesman said. “It tells Muslim people why they are right in hating America. It is the duty of every believer to see [this film] and learn the truth.”

…

“We may not be able to drive the Americans out of Iraq,” says Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah, the Hezbollah leader in Lebanon. “But we can drive Bush out of the White House by heating things up in Iraq.”

If you’re going to be in Texas this weekend, please buy these tickets. Thanks in advance.

UPDATE: Never mind. That was quick.

So this group of archaeologists found a cave they think may have sheltered John the Baptist. With that finally out of the way, you think there’s any chance they’d be free for some more adventures in purposeful spelunking, say… along the Afghanistan/Pakistan border?

The newspapers looked at the Congressional Budget Office’s latest report and found — big shocker — some anti-Bush ammunition. A sample headline: Report Finds Tax Cuts Heavily Favor the Wealthy. Don Luskin has analyzed the same document and found a slightly different story: “Everybody gets an income tax cut, and when it’s all done the rich end up paying proportionately more.”

The way I see it, Mike Hollihan is the preeminent Memphis blogger, and it’s good to see him back in the swing of things. His posts tend to come by the dozen, followed by unbearable droughts; I guess you get what you pay for. Anyway, Mike has taken to the streets to announce our city’s good fortune - Australian Tim Blair is making a Memphis stop in his cross-country tour. Somebody call Carol Chumney… he might want to tour City Hall. A word of caution to Mr. Blair — if your camera isn’t digital, please bring film with you. An evening trip to Walgreens is not advisable.

Senator Chuck Hagel (R - NE) is considering a run for President in 2008. Let’s see…
Vietnam Vet?
Check.
Awarded Purple Hearts?
Check.
Voted for the War?
Check.
Critical of Bush administration?
Check.
Spent a major holiday in Cambodia?
Unknown.
Carries a secret hat in a secret compartment of his attaché that reminds him of a secret mission?
Wait… how is this relevant?

What Wendi Thomas alleges via conjecture and innuendo, I can reverse plainly and directly. Here’s Thomas:

Preachers keep telling me - sometimes subtly, sometimes not - that the Republican Party is the only choice for a true Christian.

But consider this bit of wisdom from the Left’s most famous preacher, Jesse Jackson:

“A conservative Christian is a contradiction in terms. Christ wasn’t a conservative… Jesus was a liberal”

Jackson goes on to say that the United States was founded upon a liberal idea (slavery being a conservative flaw in the design) and that to align yourself with Christ is to stand against evildoers like Herod, Pharaoh, Bush and Cheney.

I guess that should clear up Thomas’ confusion over whether GOP stands for God’s Only People.

On the other hand, I don’t guess Jesus ever paid off the mother of his illegitimate child using money siphoned from his liberal special interest group in order to keep the transaction hidden from tax collectors.

At least he’s organized. I’m sure he’ll have plenty of to-do items to check off over the next 10 years and five months: lift weights, craft toothbrush shank, carve lines into wall, earn degree through mail, woo boyfriend, befriend cockroach…

I disagree with this ruling, for reasons past and reasons to be revealed in the near future. Stay tuned…