I tend to approach fashion with a fight-or-flight attitude. I’m not saying it makes sense, or is appealing to the eye, I’m just saying this method appeals to me and influences my clothing choices. My theory of dress doesn’t make much sense in modern, suburban life, I admit, but you’ve got to prepare for the unexpected. When the Department of Homeland security says I need to be ready, I take that to heart.

For instance, I hate men’s business attire. I loathe it. So when I heard Work was headed in that direction, moving from a business casual format, I had to suppress some faint rage.

Let me lead you through this: first you put on boxers that have a hole in the one place that calls for some solid support. Designers built them for people who were too lazy to pull down their undies to take a leak, not for normal people. Alternatively, you can select tighty-whities, which isn’t really a good option. If you’re smart, you go with briefs that look like boxers — that way if a criminal breaks into your home in the morning, you can run out of the house knowing you’re fully covered where it counts, nothing’s going to fly out, and your neighbors will still give you points for style.

Ok, so let’s say you make it past that point. Next come socks. The business attire model calls for dark socks, which are generally thin and provide little comfort for the foot and not much support when running away from a bear. Once you get caught and mauled by the bear, your black socks won’t work very well as make-shift bandages or slings. They’re useless to you in an emergency situation.

Let’s jump out of order and skip to shoes. Business shoes are not made for running. So if you find a note at work saying your son has been kidnapped and is being held hostage a couple miles away, running there is almost out of the question — but if you do try, you won’t make it there in time, because you’ll be sliding all over the place, tripping, getting stuck in mud, etc. They’re the wrong shoes when crisis calls. Your son is dead because your shoes are uncomfortable and impractical. Scaling a tree or a steep mountain cliff, or really any rigorous climbing, is next to impossible in such shoes. Even standing still is a chore unless you’ve got Dr Scholls.

When it comes to pants, your business attire can be described as: thin, dark, inflexible, uncomfortable or all of the above. So when you’re walking downtown and a thug jumps out, steals a woman’s purse and hops on a motorcycle, your legs won’t be protected when you hop on the seat behind him and start smacking him upside the head; when he loses control of the bike, your butt gets shredded and your legs bloodied because you weren’t wearing jeans. These pants also prevent you from putting your karate moves into practice when a ninja squad holds up the bank where you’re stuck in line. And that’s not to mention how cold you’ll be if you have to catch a last-minute flight to Antarctica in order to prevent a terrorist from releasing a biochemical agent into the atmosphere. I mean, let’s think about this, people.

Next you’ve got your collar shirt, probably white, with buttons up the front and at the cuffs. If you need to quickly change into a disguise while in pursuit, it’ll take you longer because you’ll be slowed down by between eight and ten unnecessary buttons. Or you could continue wearing a white collar shirt in the ghetto, or at the docks, or in a seedy bar on the outskirts of town… I’ll let you decide how smart that might be. At times when keeping a low profile is of the utmost importance, you’re going to stick out like a sore thumb.

Top all this off with a dark, inflexible jacket that provides neither sufficient warmth nor sufficient storage for evening spy missions. Freedom to reach even your own head is pretty much out of the question, and added to that you’ve got to keep buttoning and unbuttoning the stupid thing every time you stand up or sit down — meaning your hands aren’t freed up to steady a weapon or signal allies from across the room. Some “coat,” you chump.

Finally, the tie. Everybody loves the tie — a built-in choke hazard and your primary vulnerability. Your entire outfit is dark, plain, boring… but then you’ve got one little strip of bright fabric that might as well be a neon bullseye for the sniper across the street. The tie is the most useless, pointless, ridiculous looking waste of time on the planet. Also known as a noose or a leash, you must know that having a strip of loose material hanging from your neck simply isn’t a good idea. There is no limit to the variety of machines that it could get caught in and cause you to get sucked in and ground into a bloody pulp.

But, you know, if that’s what you’re going for, great. At least you’ll already look nice for the funeral. And I’ll be there, sitting in the back, wearing comfortable, practical clothing and taking note of all the nearest exits.

For instance, I’ve never before had the pleasure of being called an “idiot” or a “communist” by a neo-confederate politician who also claims to be my “idea factory.”

Also, I’ve never before had a candidate admit to me that he is a liar, but it’s quite a wonder to behold:

See full size.

The only thing that makes me laugh more than friends who deny CNN’s liberal bias is CNN’s reliably-liberal bias. I keep meaning to track the stories as they appear on and eventually drop from CNN.com’s home page, but real life keeps getting in the way of the hilarity.

This one isn’t about bias, per se, but it really makes me giggle. How must it feel to be so thoroughly scooped by the blogosphere?

CNN: Papers from prewar Iraq posted on Web — March 27, 2006

Michelle Malkin: An Army of Translators Needed — March 16, 2006

The kicker is that the article goes on and on about how this information is available on the web and how bloggers and the netroots are accessing it, translating the documents and reposting them online… and yet CNN fails to provide the link.

Isn’t it also fascinating how CNN is content to allow the blogs to research and translate and analyze, concerning itself only with reporting on the process from a safe distance?

On the other hand, you have ABC doing the actual work, but its editors feel the need to print disclaimers following every find of consequence.

We heart you, news media.

March 26, 2006:

Wallis, who voted for Democrat John Kerry in 2004, opposes the war and pushes the point that God is non-partisan.

“The heart of what I want to say on Sunday is religion should not be a wedge to divide us, but a bridge to bring us together,” he said. “What I want to make clear is that God is not a Republican or a Democrat. The religious right has implied, or outrightly said, that God belongs to one political party and that’s a heresy.”

Flashback - January 16, 2005:

“the Bible — and Jesus’s teachings in particular — are filled with messages that align more closely to Democratic policies than GOP policies.”

More.

UPDATE: Fixed.

London, England — Sources say British Prime Minister Tony Blair tried to sneak into a discussion about climate change with a rock musician recently. According to reports, embarrased frontman Thom Yorke broke the news gently: “Sorry pal, but you aren’t qualified to talk to me about the environment.”

OTHER: I guess this is as good a place as any to stick these: LINK and LINK.

Today we celebrate you, Mr. French Protestor, as you riot through the streets of Paris, set cars on fire and rampage through restaurants and torch store fronts. Today we honor you with a toast, a slice of cheese, a white flag and a hearty “hunh-hunh-haw!”

UPDATE: Rich Galen had the same reaction.

Mark Prior has shoulder trouble. The Cubs say he will miss the next 7-10 days of spring training, calling it a “moderate strain.” A followup article says Prior is “likely open the season on the disabled list for the third straight year.”

Cubs blog 1060west thinks the situation is much more serious, and begins looking at the starting rotation of “zambrano, maddux, rusch, williams and a minor league pitcher for what will probably be the first third of the season.”

Commenter Dusty Baylor writes:

I’ll tell you what though, [Sergio] Mitre was never a savior, but he’d look awfully attractive as the 5th starter right now, of course the Cubs would be yanking him in and out of the rotation to the ‘pen, so maybe it’s better for him that he’s in florida.

Indeed. The Mitre Curse is already upon us, my friends, and the season hasn’t even started yet.

UPDATE: The latest rumor now is that the Cubs finally have a good reason to do what they’ve been wanting to do all off-season — trade Todd Walker. Perhaps they will find a team willing to hand over a decent starting pitcher in return; I’ve got at least two suggestions: Matt Clement or Sergio Mitre. But an even more remote miracle would be to talk Roger Clemens into re-signing with the Astros, only to be immediately traded to the Cubs for Walker, a wad of cash and a “prospect” to be determined later (*ahem* Rich Hill *cough*).

I realize that liberals are incapable of comprehending information harmful to their stated policy that Saddam Hussein had no WMD programs and no ties to terrorism, but I love posting these little reminders anyway.

Let’s take a little trip down recent-history lane, shall we?

Mark Elrod, Harding University poli-sci professor:

Of these findings, the most disturbing one is the widely-held belief among US troops that the US presence in Iraq has something to do with 9/11. This is considerably higher than what most Americans now believe about the 9/11-Saddam connection – a recent CBS News poll puts the number of Americans who believe that Saddam Hussein was personally involved in 9/11 at about 57%. That’s still pretty high considering the fact that the bipartisan 9/11 Commission determined in 2004 that there was no Al-Qaeda-Saddam connection.

Leon Gray, Air America radio host:

It’s occurred to me, a new rule needs to be put in place in order to assure Democrats and Republicans engaging in discussions where opinions differ that the argument is worth the time. Before the games begin both side must agree on what’s true and what’s not.

I tried it on my show recently and it’s a must…

For example: Finding no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is true so discussions on opposing sides can only go forth after both sides agree on this point. There’s still the issue of bad intelligence, bringing democracy to the Iraqis, even the fact that country sits on 11% of the world’s oil supply. But, there were no W-M-D’s.

As I note in the comments, that particular “fact” happens not to be true. My old website devoted to the subject is here.

Resources:

• Foreign Military Studies Office Joint Reserve Intelligence Center: Operation Iraqi Freedom Documents
• Powerline: In Saddam’s Archives
• Daily Standard: The first batch of captured documents from pre-war Iraq and Afghanistan are now available online.
• Stephen Hayes: Who’ll Let the Docs Out?
• Michelle Malkin: An Army of Translators Needed
• Iraq the Model translates the first document
• Weekly Standard: Saddam’s Philippines Terror Connection

Opinion:

• Michael Barone

Developing…

The Southern Republican Leadership Conference starts in earnest today in beautiful downtown Memphis, Tennessee. I’ll be liveblogging intermittently throughout the conference at Main Street Journal. The first post is here.

If anyone can help me figure out how to edit photo file sizes for Web use in iPhoto, I would shower you with gratitude. Photos are worthless online when they’re poster size…

UPDATE: Here’s a link to a roundup of all the SRLC posts at Main Street. I know I said I would liveblog, but it was more like deadblog, since the hotel didn’t have wireless access… and since I’m a slow blogger.