In this post:

  • A very exclusive Christmas album
  • Letter from a deadly serious eggnog addict
  • Planning: the new not planning
  • This blog

a-christian-christmas.jpgThough it’s been said many ways…
I saw this Time-Life CD set at the store — A Christian Christmas. You know, as opposed to the Islamo-fascist Christmas collection we enjoyed so well last year, which included great hits like Infidels roasting on an open fire, Have yourself a merry little jihad, and The Twelve Imams of the age. No, this year we’re going to celebrate a Christian Christmas for a change. You know, shake things up a little bit. Who says we have to celebrate the holiday by singing only Christmas songs written by Jews, Buddhists and Scientologists?

And now that we’re in the Christmas spirit…

eggnog.jpgAnger Managment Marathon Disrupts Eggnog Supply
Last weekend, some poor shlub named Robert Barnett experienced a bit of trouble on his way to the store. And how better to address this grievance than to compose a mean little rant about it and send it to the Memphis Flyer?

I just spent over an hour of my life trying to cross North Parkway just to go TWO BLOCKS. I have never seen such ridiculously poor traffic routing in my life. The St. Jude “Anger Management Marathon,” although noble in intent, is the most civically inconsiderate event I have ever seen.

If it was only two blocks, why didn’t you just walk? It’s a much easier task to dodge your way across the street on foot during one of the city’s biggest annual races. I know, because I did it myself a couple times last weekend.

But, no, the St. Jude Marathon is “the most civically inconsiderate event” in world history because it prevented you from driving two blocks to the store. Gosh, Robert, I can’t believe the race committee failed to consider that major inconvenience you experienced. Over an hour of your life — gone!

Last year, my wife and I almost got a divorce just going to pick up a Christmas tree. The jackasses who plan this thing should at least provide available crossing point/routing information to residents who are being inconvenienced by the byzantine system of roadblocks. This crap is utterly paralyzing and has put a very bad taste in my mouth regarding St. Jude.

You almost got a divorce over a Christmas tree? Hmm, you think maybe you have some other issues in your life that might need to be addressed? Nah, it has to be someone else’s fault that your marriage is in such shambles that encountering a series of temporary roadblocks could put it in jeopardy. Yes, it must be St. Jude, and the sick children they treat, at fault. So sorry.

An event that is intended to rally support for children with cancer and instead induces paroxysms of anger is extremely counterproductive.

Yes, it’s a wonder St. Jude continues to hold the event every year, considering the byzantine roadblocks causing all these paroxysms of anger. St. Jude must be one of the most civically inconsiderate and universally hated institutions in the entire city.

By the way, what did you so desperately need from the store?

Not to mention, it’s only going to be a matter of time before some poor shlub gets run over by someone innocently trying to make an eggnog run.

Holy crap, you were out of eggnog? Man, I pity the fool who stands (or, rather, runs) between you and your critical supply of eggnog.

And I just can’t think of anything that would be more civically inconsiderate than a children’s hospital holding an annual fundraiser and thereby preventing an individual from obtaining eggnog on a cold Saturday morning.

Except for, perhaps, some A-hole writing a letter to the editor because he failed to plan ahead knowing that 1. the big race would the next morning and that 2. his supply of eggnog may be dangerously low.

Speaking of planning ahead…

plan-b.jpg320 Planned Emergencies
Did you hear about what Planned Parenthood did this week? On Wednesday, the country’s largest abortion advocate gave out free pregnancy prevention pills called Plan B from its offices nationwide. The pills were just approved for over-the-counter sales last month. According to Commercial Appeal metro columnist Wendi C. Thomas, a line of 10 people had already formed before the local office opened.

Wait, let’s check the irony meter on that… yep, that’s officially ironic, on at least two counts:

1. Planned Parenthood isn’t about planning for parenthood as much as it’s about responding after the fact once an unwanted pregnancy has occurred. In other words, it’s not-planning for not-parenthood. You might call it Unplanned Prevention.

2. Plan B is supposed to be for emergencies. The pills are intended for those situations in which “Plan A” has fallen through. So these people planned ahead by lining up for a pill that can prevent pregnancies in case they fail to plan for prevention by means of abstinence or traditional contraceptives. Shorter: they planned to fail to plan.

Thomas reports that the Memphis office handed out a total of 160 two-pill boxes, “cost[ing] the nonprofit thousands of dollars.” The cost is typically $35 for those over 18.

What the CA and Thomas fail to note is Planned Parenthood’s financial conflict of interest. Drug pushers will always give away a free sample.

According to the Boston Globe, the organization “reaps millions of dollars in revenue by dispensing Plan B,” thanks to an “exclusive preferential discount.” Planned Parenthood obtains the pills for $4.25.

That means this publicity stunt cost the agency just $680, not thousands. And if just 14% of these clients returns for a second box, Planned Parenthood will break even.*

Speaking of Christmas, running and planning ahead…

Station Break
This blogger needs to take care of some biznes. I’m thinking about putting Fishkite on hiatis, either for weeks/months or for good. I haven’t exactly decided yet, but I feel like it’s time to move on to the next thing(s). In the meantime, I’m planning to take a break from the blogosphere in general. Thanks, as always, for stopping by. See you on the flip side.

* Corrected from my original “12%” napkin calculation. Thanks to Neil, who should be studying for finals instead of reading Fishkite, and who writes to say that the exact percentage is 13.8.