The Custom Food Group29 May 07
Posted by M. Wright | Filed in: Notes
This evening I was stopped at a light behind a van with this logo. It’s apparently a vending, catering and food supply service. But it sounds more like some kind of alternative nutrition schema. So you have the meats, vegetables, starches, sugars, fruits and… the custom food group. This is the category for foods you wish were healthy but will instead get you a job on The View. Or maybe any of the categories can be customized, so now your vegetable group can include Snickers, Ding Dongs, steak and instant oatmeal (Ok, just kidding about the oatmeal).
Q. Excuse me, is that pure lard you’re eating?
A. No, lard substitute. I have to eat nine servings a day.
May 29th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
Yeah! That’s awesome! I want a food group that has hamburgers, pizza, ramen noodles, little chocolate doughnuts and mini reese’s peanut butter cups. That’s my “custom food group.”
May 30th, 2007 at 10:47 am
My “custom food group” would be Haagen-Dasz Chocolate Chocolate Chip ice cream, dirty potato chips with french onion and bacon dip, mac’n'cheese and Oreos. It would be called “Foods You Only Think Are Bad For You, Really.”
May 30th, 2007 at 11:36 am
Does this mean I could just eat nothing but ice cream for the rest of my life? I’m sure if I pick the right flavors I could customize my diet to include all the food groups!
May 31st, 2007 at 12:54 am
Tammie Hacker’s got a great idea. You could have an ice cream food group. That would be nothing but ice cream. You could eat ice cream the rest of your life. If you need fruit in your diet, eat fruit flavored ice cream. If you need vegetables, eat ice cream flavored with your favorite vegetable. Meat? The same thing.
And, of course you could still have vanilla, but I prefer chocolate.