Ok, kids. What’s a food that’s green, powdery, smells like poop, tastes like dirt and may be poisonous?

The answer is a product called “Veggie Booty,” and apparently children are crazy about it. But it’s being recalled as a precaution after 50-some cases of salmonella poisoning were “associated” with the product.

I’ll have to ask Dr. Roly-Poly if Veggie Booty is acceptable on my new diet, seeing as how it shares most of the same qualities as the few select foods I’m actually allowed to eat.

I just need to fix a few things.

To do:

• remove extra button
• create header image
• alter or delete header text
• alter or delete sidebar text
• fix image spacing issues
• create style for images w/out outlines
• figure out where my links went
• fix annoying blockquote do-hickey
• make bullets look normal
• fix color palette
• re-order meta links
• delete categories?
• make single post pages look like other pages
• wipe hands on pants

“Pam” at Freedonian has posted a clip of a Democratic Presidential candidate’s wife asking a political pundit to stop criticizing her husband, specifically by using “course language” and “personal attacks.” In both circumstances mentioned in the clip, the pundit was actually criticizing political correctness (in the first instance) and the double-standard applied to Republican pundits (more recently), rather than the candidate himself. But the truly ironic grace note is how Pam uses the post’s headline to carelessly label the pundit as a “tramp.” So not only does Pam fail to grasp the pundit’s actual message, but she also fails to heed the candidate’s wife’s disingenuous plea for civility.

This post is unremarkable aside from being symptomatic of the rote partisanship, crass attitude and lack of curiosity that prevails in this circle; my wish is that my comrades will some day learn how to either write in a less predicable way and actually experiment with crossover posts or, at the very least, figure out how to make partisanship and base humor more interesting. Until then, they earn a B for boring. C’mon people, give us a reason to keep reading.

Dr. Roly-Poly tells me I can’t eat any of the following foods:

• Sugar and Sweets
• Salt and Sodium
• Bread, Chips and other Carbs
• Red Meat
• Anything Fried
• Cheese

Something tells me the terrorists have already won.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention caffeine, nicotine and alcohol; margarine and butter are also off the menu, not to mention any food that doesn’t start with asper- and end with -agus.

Hasta la vista, politics as usual!