Ok, kids. What’s a food that’s green, powdery, smells like poop, tastes like dirt and may be poisonous?

The answer is a product called “Veggie Booty,” and apparently children are crazy about it. But it’s being recalled as a precaution after 50-some cases of salmonella poisoning were “associated” with the product.

I’ll have to ask Dr. Roly-Poly if Veggie Booty is acceptable on my new diet, seeing as how it shares most of the same qualities as the few select foods I’m actually allowed to eat.

I just need to fix a few things.

To do:

• remove extra button
• create header image
• alter or delete header text
• alter or delete sidebar text
• fix image spacing issues
• create style for images w/out outlines
• figure out where my links went
• fix annoying blockquote do-hickey
• make bullets look normal
• fix color palette
• re-order meta links
• delete categories?
• make single post pages look like other pages
• wipe hands on pants

“Pam” at Freedonian has posted a clip of a Democratic Presidential candidate’s wife asking a political pundit to stop criticizing her husband, specifically by using “course language” and “personal attacks.” In both circumstances mentioned in the clip, the pundit was actually criticizing political correctness (in the first instance) and the double-standard applied to Republican pundits (more recently), rather than the candidate himself. But the truly ironic grace note is how Pam uses the post’s headline to carelessly label the pundit as a “tramp.” So not only does Pam fail to grasp the pundit’s actual message, but she also fails to heed the candidate’s wife’s disingenuous plea for civility.

This post is unremarkable aside from being symptomatic of the rote partisanship, crass attitude and lack of curiosity that prevails in this circle; my wish is that my comrades will some day learn how to either write in a less predicable way and actually experiment with crossover posts or, at the very least, figure out how to make partisanship and base humor more interesting. Until then, they earn a B for boring. C’mon people, give us a reason to keep reading.

Dr. Roly-Poly tells me I can’t eat any of the following foods:

• Sugar and Sweets
• Salt and Sodium
• Bread, Chips and other Carbs
• Red Meat
• Anything Fried
• Cheese

Something tells me the terrorists have already won.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention caffeine, nicotine and alcohol; margarine and butter are also off the menu, not to mention any food that doesn’t start with asper- and end with -agus.

Hasta la vista, politics as usual!

Alphapatriot has offered a surprising endorsement.

The Superman ride at Six Flags is quite possibly the most terrifying contraption I’ve ever been buckled into. Somehow, I got tricked into riding it a couple weeks ago when we visited St. Louis. Twice.

I almost lost my lunch both times, but it looks like it could have been worse — I could have lost both feet.

The Superman ride slowly pulls you up 154 feet to the top, where it rests momentarily so you can inspect the tops of all the other rides in the park, get a Google Earth view of the surrounding county and its ant-like inhabitants, and contemplate your impending death.

Just when you get used to the view, you’re dropped straight down at 54 mph, forcing your stomach into your throat. Then your seat comes to a screeching halt just as you’re about to smash into the pavement below.

It’s quite the thrill. But I imagine it might be even more thrilling when a cord breaks off and severs both of your feet above the ankle.

June Beetles are attracted to the light outside our apartment, so they’re coming in droves to die in our breezeway, and there’s nothing we can do about it (we can’t control the light). Unless you’re overly curious, please do not click to see the photo and video below. I strongly suggest that you just move along. Children and pregnant women should definitely not click the link. Consider yourselves warned. By clicking the link, you agree not to sue me for making you vomit on your keyboard. (more…)

But at least Willie, Herman, Carol and John aren’t out panhandling. Good grief.

We must give props to our good friend Peskyfly, this time for his continued investigation of Memphis Networx. There are so many things wrong with this story, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.