I’ve kinda sorta sworn off AI blogging, at least for the time-being, but guest-blogger Popfly has provided tonight’s recap; you can blame him for what follows. - M. Wright

80’s Week.

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Most embarrassing moment: Extra in a roller skating movie, crashed into a light set.

Tonight: “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” Not bad. Her singing was better than her choice of pants.

Randy: I recorded with Whitney Houston. It was hot!
Paula: You nailed it.
Simon: 2nd rate Whitney Houston at best, but good enough to make the top 12.

Final take: I agree with Simon.

Britney Pickler

Most embarrassing moment: 9th grade talent show audition. I would have guessed her answer would be “last week.”

Tonight: Queen’s “Who Wants to Live Forever?” Why in the world would she try to sing Freddie Mercury? She’s making a good song boring.

Randy: You hit the big notes well, missed some of the smaller ones.
Paula: Your best performance to date.
Simon: Better than last week, but still have issues with your massive lack of personality.

Final take: She only made it this far because she’s hot.

Elvira, Mistress of the Suck

Most embarrassing moment: burned her pool down.

Tonight: “I Hate Myself for Loving You.” I’m getting really tired of the contrived sneer she uses to convince us of what a rocker she is. Her performance sucks slightly less than last week because she picked a song that allows her to scream and grunt through the whole thing.

Randy: That song is who you really are.
Paula: You found your niche; this is who we fell in love with.
Simon: I thought it was fantastic.

Final take: She had better keep picking songs that require no actual singing.

Hot Leprechaun

Most embarrassing moment: Got her legs stuck in the railings outside at work.

Tonight: “I Drove All Night.” First performance tonight that I’ve thought was done really well. There was one high note near the end that she ran out of gas on.

Randy: Another outstanding performance.
Paula: You’re like a dependable dog; not enough adjectives to describe you.
Simon: Wrong song. You made the most out of it, but you’re better than that song.

Overall: She’s far and away the best of the bunch.

Big Sky Barbie

Most embarrassing moment: She pretended she was a dog when she was 7. (is that embarrassing?)

Tonight: “Faithfully.” I’ll bet you $1,000 Randy tells us he recorded with Journey. Too much forced vibrato, but overall a pretty serviceable job.

Randy: This could be a big country single.
Paula: This could be a hit for you in country music.
Simon: Your problem is that you’re forgettable. At best you’ll come in 10th.

Overall: You owe me $1,000.

Hair Curtains

Most embarrassing moment: In 5th grade, she rode her bike to boy’s house, dropped off a picture, and watched from across the street as he and his mom laughed at it.

Tonight: “Against all Odds.” Keeps running out of breath in the middle of her phrases. Nice voice, though.

Randy: Pretty good vocals, but you need to find your confidence.
Paula: Innocent, pure voice. You deserve to be in the top 12.
Simon: Old fashioned and predictable, but it was good because you’re so little and cute.

Overall: The best thing she has going for her is getting to compete against Elvira and Britney Pickler.

Brooke White (hasn’t earned a nickname yet)

Most embarrassing moment: Hugged the wrong dad on way out of church.

Tonight: “Love is a Battlefield.” The song fits nicely with a single acoustic guitar. Good arrangement. Not much of a showcase for vocals, but she did a fine job with it.

Randy: Nice with the guitar; I was able to focus on you.
Paula: Wise choice, very pure.
Simon: Great performance; original take on the song.

Overall: My second favorite after the Hot Leprechaun.

Nat X (I’m not married to this nickname, but it’ll do for now)

Most embarrassing moment: Passed a love note and piece of gum to a boy in class; he ate the gum and ratted her out.

Tonight: “I’m Saving All My Love for You.” Hot Leprechaun may be the best performer, but I think Nat X has the best voice among the girls.

Randy: Good.
Paula: Sophisticated, lovely.
Simon: A bit predictable, but good.

Overall: She’ll have no problem making it to top 12.