Beatles Week Redux

Sorry I missed last week; I was out of town on business, and by the time I got back and caught up on AI it was old news. Shame, as I would have relished writing about the abomination that was “Eight Days a Week” done as a country song.

Elvira, Mistress of the Suck

Most memorable moment: Playing on the big stage.

Tonight: “Back in the U.S.S.R.” 2 straight weeks of Beatles songs and she never chose “Helter Skelter”? Forgot the words in the first line, other than that the rest of the lyrics were screamed correctly.

Randy: Pitchy in the beginning, but picked up in the middle. 7 out of 10.
Paula: Sketchy at first, weren’t hearing the timing. When you connect, you’re authentic. I’d love to hear a vulnerable ballad from you at some point. (is she kidding?)
Simon: It was what it was. Predictable, a mess in parts.

Final take: Can we please vote her off before she sings that ballad? Please?

Big Sky Barbie

Most memorable moment: Being the last one not voted off each night.

Tonight: “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away.” This is a hard song to sing, but she’s making it easier by singing it wrong. Maybe she’ll do better on Monkees night.

Randy: Should have been more emotional. I’m not even sure you were singing the melody in the chorus right. (that’s because she wasn’t…)
Paula: Sometimes it’s safer to stick to the melody. You look gorgeous tonight.
Simon: You need hypnosis, because you’re not a good performer. It’s like musical wallpaper. You make no impact apart from when you’re terrible, like last week.

Final take: At least she’s pretty.

Raspy McVocalchords

Most memorable moment: Singing “Imagine”, forgetting his lyrics on “We Can Work It Out”.

Tonight: “The Long and Winding Road.” He has an extremely smooth, easy vibrato, which is perfect for a song like this. He added his own flavor to it without making substantial changes to the song itself. +1.

Randy: You brought the hotness back to your game tonight.
Paula: This was probably the most exciting and wonderful performance to me.
Simon: Last week was a complete mess; this week I thought you were amazing. That was a master class in performance.

Final take: This kid needs to win.

**Programming note: Kellie Pickler will perform a Beatles song on the results show this week. She should bring back Kady Malloy with her to sing a duet.

Freddie Hutchence

Most memorable moment: Singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” during Hollywood week. (that’s where he got the first half of his nickname, btw)

Tonight: “A Day In The Life.” I know they have to compress the songs down for time, but combining parts of different lines into one shorter verse does not work for this song at all. This version makes about as much sense as “I Am The Walrus”. Whoa–he just totally forgot the words to the end; understandable, considering what a hatchet job the whole thing was on the lyrics. This was brutal.

Randy: Wasn’t one of your best performances. Not the best song choice.
Paula: Sounded phenomenal during dress rehearsal.
Simon: It was a mess. Wrong notes, the song doesn’t work in a minute and a half. Not good enough.

Final take: I liked him earlier in the competition, but I don’t know if I can forgive him for destroying one of my favorite Beatles songs like this.

Carly Simon

Most memorable moment: Singing “Let It Be” last week.

Tonight: “Here Comes The Sun.” Pretty voice, but the twirling and movement in general seems very awkward. Her performances look better when she’s playing an instrument.

Randy: Really awkward for me. Never felt connected to the song.
Paula: You can’t help but smile when watching you. Beautiful low tones in your voice.
Simon: I thought the performance was terrible. Wet, forgettable.

Final take: If I’d heard it on the radio I think I would have really liked it.

Combover Guy

Most memorable moment: Last week, the rock concert feeling.

Tonight: “Day Tripper.” Great vocal. Why does he bring the guitar out and then just hold it while he sings? Holy crap–tell me he’s not going Peter Frampton with the guitar-mouth harp thingy… I thought it was a good performance until he did that. At least now we know why he brought the guitar out.

Randy: You keep it interesting. Another solid look for David Cook.
Paula: There’s not much else to say; you’re ready to go sell records.
Simon: I don’t think that was as good as you thought it was. You looked smug throughout, and I thought the vocorder in the middle was stupid.

Final take: I agree 100% with Simon.

Hot Leprechaun

Most memorable moment: Last week, being compared to Kelly Clarkson.

Tonight: “Blackbird.” Pitchy during the chord change, but overall very good. Her voice is strong and smooth at the same time. The arm tattoo is a bit creepy though.

Randy: Another great performance for Carly Smithson. Very cool; cooliosis.
Paula: You have an amazing tone to your voice. The arrangement was beautiful.
Simon: Don’t think it was a very smart song choice. Indulgent; I didn’t like it at all.

Final take: For once I disagree with Simon; I thought it was a good song and well sung.

Captain Stinkyhair

Most memorable moment: Singing “Hallelujah”, not singing the last note very well.

Tonight: “Michelle.” This is a terrible song for him. He makes the song sound goofy; he should have sang “Yellow Submarine.”

Randy: Very subdued; I didn’t really get it. It was just a’ight for me.
Paula: You get a little disconnected when you’re away from your guitar. Changed the song from intimate to the feeling of a polka.
Simon: This is getting a bit strange. Lucky this is TV and not radio, because your face sold it. You’re charming and goofy.

Final take: He reminds me a bit of Taylor Hicks: goofy and entertaining at first, but I’ll be sick of him by the 3rd or 4th week.

Syesha Mercado (no afro this week; I’ll have to come up with a new name for her)

Most memorable moment: Being in the bottom three last week.

Tonight: “Yesterday.” Sounds like she’s really unsure during the second line of every verse. It is a tough song to sing, and she doesn’t sound confident that she’s pitching it right. Also sounds very shaky in the higher notes.

Randy: Very, very, very good performance tonight.
Paula: You let yourself be very vulnerable tonight. It sets you apart from everyone else.
Simon: Probably your best performance so far. That’s the song Brooke should have sung.

Final take: I don’t know what the judges were hearing. I think that performance might put her in the bottom three again. It’s a shame, because I think she’s better than that.

Boston Public

Most memorable moment: Getting a complement from all three judges during Hollywood week.

Tonight: “I’ve Just Seen A Face.” Everything was forgettable except for the cheezy harmonica. What, were they out of accordions?

Randy: Some good parts and parts. I didn’t quite get the slow part. Weird, strange arrangement. It might be a good country song.
Paula: You’re showing who you are.
Simon: Started off ok, and then you played the harmonica which was literally atrocious. Then it turned into “Achy Breaky Heart” at the end. It was gimmicky.

Final take: Simon is right.

Hair Curtains

Most memorable moment: Making new friends.

Tonight: “I Should Have Known Better.” Karaoke and boring. This song is not showing off her voice very well. I’ve already forgotten the performance and it hasn’t stopped yet.

Randy: You showed your confidence, but it was just a’ight.
Paula: Definitely better than last week.
Simon: It sounded like Chikezie was on harmonica. The track sounded terrible and amateurish. You chose a mediocre song.

Final take: She should have known better.

Projected bottom three: Elvira, Boston Public, Syesha