Eden and Freckles turned four months old today, so we decided to shove them back in the box they came in. Needless to say, it was impossible to duplicate the old photo.

We also celebrated by replacing the bear and elephant:

Responding to federal smog guidelines, the Shelby County Health Department is preparing suburban mayors for a coming expansion of the “time-consuming vehicle-emissions inspections” already required in the city of Memphis.

Technical Manager for Pollution Control Bob Rodgers said the department feels “very strongly that we’re going to have to expand the I & M program,” despite the fact that it won’t reduce pollution by a “significant percentage.”

The CA reports that regulators have “acknowledged the limited usefulness of testing cars in the suburbs,” since “fuels required today” are “cleaner-burning” and newer cars come equipped with computerized diagnostics.

Bartlett Mayor Keith McDonald says, “We’ll do it because we’re supposed to do it — not because we think it’s the smartest idea.” Let’s all hope the EPA never tells us to jump off a bridge, although by just going ahead and offing ourselves right now we could probably reduce our carbon footprint… by a “significant percentage.”

The expanded testing is a consequence of the Memphis area’s new status as a “moderate” violator of Clean Air Act standards for ozone pollution, stepping up from the “marginal” violator classification. But the EPA has yet to explain how it’s even possible that smog in Memphis has increased, since the city’s vehicle inspection program has been working so very well.

I love the exasperation in the comment by Midtowner: “Great — that’s all I need, more cars to get behind in the inspection line. I wonder how much pollution is being put into the air by all the cars in line? Testing is such an enormous waste of time.”

At least the EPA is justifying its existence, and that’s something we can all be proud of.

UPDATE: A follow-up story reveals a more heroic Mayor McDonald:

“This is something I’ve been fighting for six years,” Bartlett Mayor Keith McDonald said. “If the EPA forces us to do it, I just can’t beat them, even though I’ve shown them over and over again that a (reduction from testing the suburbs) will not produce the scientific results that other things do.”

The requirement wouldn’t force outlying residents to drive to one of three Memphis testing stations. A vendor might be hired to operate locations countywide. McDonald would like other services available, such as tag renewals, making a trip to the testing site more efficient for citizens. He’s heard the position that Memphians suffer through testing, so everyone should.

“Nobody should have to suffer,” McDonald said. “We need to find a way to make this work more conveniently.”

UPDATE II: The CA’s reliably-liberal editorial page calls the expanded testing requirement a “fair clean-air option,” while again noting that “the inspections won’t make a significant percentage cut in ozone-causing pollutants.” I think it would be fair to require the Commercial Appeal to stop killing trees; I suggest we implement a regular inspection process to make sure they’re printing on a more environmentally-friendly resource.

It occurs to me that Scott McClellan is the Jimmy Carter of White House press secretaries — totally incompetent while in the job and an utter disgrace afterwards. Accordingly, he was replaced by Tony Snow, the Ronald Reagan of White House press secretaries — positively transformative while in the job, graceful in his exit, fearless in staring down a malady, and deeply missed.

Eden and Freckles know how to sit now, with an emphasis on know how to. This morning, they got lesson two in laying down, which they both took to pretty well. They get special snacks for sitting and laying down; we’re getting them prepared for the socialist revolution, in the event that Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and BRCK BM solidify control of the federal government. Of course, they also spend a majority of their day in a 24”x18” jail… so you can draw your own conclusions there.

I recently spent what seems like hours examining the stylesheet behind this Wordpress theme, “2Exquisite,” as well as the code for each page, trying to get the theme fully customized with my new design. The one sticking point has been getting the sidebar to load properly on the category and archive pages. On those pages, the sidebar would load beneath the posts, rather than resting to the side (as sidebars typically do).

When I couldn’t locate the source of the problem, I sifted through several forum pages and help pages, only to find people with similar problems but nobody with a valid answer. But when I looked at the code with fresh eyes just a minute ago, I finally discovered the ONE TINY LINE that was throwing everything off. I can’t tell you how satisfied I feel at this moment.

For anyone who may be experiencing this same problem with the Wordpress 2Exquisite theme, make sure “< ?php mytheme_sidebar();?>” is copied on EVERY PAGE, including “date.php,” “search.php”* and “category.php.”

I also had to create a new style to make the background color consistent and without breaks, which I placed around the “content” div. If you stumbled on this post out of Wordpress theme frustration, and you can’t figure it out, leave me a comment; I’ll be glad to help.

*Updated after finding a third page without the proper code.